Hey folks! Tired of waiting for the Rapture? Looking to get right with God here and now? Sign up for the Christian Taliban! That’s right! Why should those dark-skinned heathens have all the fun? We’re Americans! We can threaten infidels, scream slogans and murder abortion doctors as good as anyone in the 3rd world.
Heck, even the head of the Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh, is sympathetic to the Taliban:

We don’t have to wear robes or turbans or grow beards. Our women don’t have to cover their faces (although there are a few who I wish might consider it!). We can dress just like we normally do: tee-shirts with American flags, anti-government slogans, hats with teabags and Bermuda shorts.
Remember: all those folks who disagree with us are sinners. We know we’re on the path to heaven. And more and more Americans are telling us they can’t wait ‘til we get there.
Join the Christian Taliban. Just send your check or money order for $19.95 to Christian Taliban, PO Box 666, City of God, PA. You’ll be doing the Lord’s work.